Deadgirl (2009)

Meh. This one should have been so much better...


DEADGIRL
Sub-Genre- Zombie/Teen Terror

In Attendance- Me

Cast Members of Note- Candice Accola, Shiloh Fernandez, Andrew Dipalma, and the ever trusty Michael Bowen.

What's it About?- Ah, High School. A magical land of cliques, intolerance, girls that turn slutty way to early, and math. Also, awkward mutual-masturbation sessions between friends, but I only read about that on the internet... Anyways, Ricky and JT are High School losers who skip school, drink beer, and dabble in rape together. They live on the edge.

Rebels with no cause, whatsoever.

Together they find a naked chick chained to a table in an abandoned old insane asylum, and decide to use her as a sex slave. JT (who looks/acts like Christian Slater's retarded cousin Clint) is all for the rape, especially since she's "Dead", and even gets some other friends in on it. Soon enough, the dank basement turns into an after school gang-bang hang out. Doesn't that just remind you of your own High School years? No? Me neither.

She obviously wants it, that's why she's chained there naked against her will.

From here on out, really horrible kids make some really asinine decisions, and flat out defy any semblance of reality with their actions. Even the girl, whom we feel for throughout the movie, seals her own fate by being a moron. Just desserts all around.

The Good- Deadgirl achieves a pretty high level of disturbing, that for all its faults, is still fairly engaging. It's one of those movies that make you feel dirty while watching it, and long after, which I suppose is its job. It's nasty, sometimes creepy, disturbing and horrific. The acting is far better than the script is, with the cast doing their jobs pretty well.

A tool with a tool. How apropos.

Candice Accola was definitely one good thing about this flick. She's a good little actress, and also a hottie. Aside from this, check her out in On the Doll; not a horror flick, but disturbing in its own right.

More please.

The Bad- Why do I get the feeling that the filmmakers totally dropped the ball here? Great premise, fairly well made, and yet I failed to sympathize with any of the characters, even the ones that were supposed to be sympathetic. I'm tired of horror movies making their characters do completely moronic things for no reason other than to actually advance a plot. I get that realism and horror seldom go hand in hand, but there is/should be a limit to the amount of shit we have to swallow.

The Downright Horrendous- I know the level of ignorance, apathy and recklessness is way worse amongst teens now than when I was in school, but the kids in this movie are pieces of shit. The rape, gang rape, "Pay me $10 and I'll let you into our rape club" shit was just insane. Worse still, the "nice guy" of the group that thinks what's going on is "wrong", doesn't have a bit of fucking sense in his head to call the police? Death to them all, and any others of their ilk.

The Gory- This movie definitely has some blood and gore... The bathroom scene. Jesus. The "mouth" scene was nasty too. There are plenty of nasty bits spread throughout this one to make the gorehound in you happy.

"Wharrgarbl!"

The Naked- The Deadgirl is naked the whole time, but it's a creepy kind of naked. Plenty of it though. Oh, and tons of rape. No hotness to be found here, aside from Candice Accola.

Best Line- "You should have fucked her when you were 9, you had the chance boy!" or "Yeah? Why don't you go for the mouth then?" Nasty.

What did we learn?
- Hollywood thinks that all teens are blithering idiots. Also, do not mess with fat chicks... they will fuck you up.

We also learned that this dog rules.

Rating- C (5.5/10) This was a pretty good movie, but it had some big flaws that frustrated the hell out of me, and ultimately made it much less of a movie than it could have been. If you can forgive the absolutely ridiculous premise, and abide some of the worst characters ever, then you might like this. Rent it before you buy.

Final Thoughts-
Candice Accola is a doll.

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