Wes Craven Presents: They
Sub-Genre- Crap/Supernatural
In Attendance- Me, Machine,Chris, Christian, and Teryn.
Cast Members of Note- The awesome Ethan Embry, the waifish Laura Regan, and the hot Dagmara Dominczyk
What's it about?- They is about a bunch of college kids that still have night terrors and wet the bed, despite not being 12 years old anymore. That's really it in a nutshell. The leader of the bed pissers is a scrawny little blond chick with a boy's haircut... and she keeps having "scary" dreams...
At night, the Gollum creatures come, although we never truly find out what they are, and they don't do much other than look like Gollum. I kept falling asleep off and on, so I'm not sure what happened, but I think it involved a balloon guy and some sort of "Ultimate sacrifice."
Anywho, that's about it. Yeah.
The Good- I guess it's always good to see Ethan Embry on screen, and he was about the only thing good in this movie... Yep, that's basically it. Ok, and Dagmara Dominczyk
is always nice to look at too, so bonus!
Really, this movie was pretty stagnant, and I don't have much good to say about it.
The Bad- Teryn actually watched this movie pretty intently for a while; then again, she's a baby (only 3 months), and poops herself at random intervals, so can we trust her judgment? I guess I'm saying that this movie made her go poopie.
The Downright Horrendous- When nothing happens in a movie, it makes me wonder why it was even made. They has to be one of the slowest, most uneventful horror films I've ever seen. Honestly, what was the point? From what I understand, the original script got butchered, and was drastically changed by the time they shot the movie, but I don't care... What we got was a snoozefest.
The Gory- Nothing in this movie for the gorehounds, I'm afraid.
The Naked- Who cares. It wouldn't have helped things anyways.
Best Line- "You hear a baby crying, you hear a kid crying, you keep moving, okay? Children can sen-sense them. It's your warning." or "To eat me."
What did we learn?- A film using the name "Wes Craven" doesn't mean it's going to be good. Also, shadow people look a lot like Gollum.
Rating- Unless you enjoy watching paint dry, skip this one.
Final Thoughts- This movie was a waste of Ethan Embry's talent.
