Baby Blues
Sub-Genre- Post Partum Depression/Insanity
In Attendance- Me, and my very disturbed conscience.
Cast Members of Note- Colleen Porch, whom I'm now afraid of, and Ridge Canpie.
What's it about?- I don't want to say too much on what the film itself is about; from the back cover on the DVD you can't really tell if it's a haunted farmhouse, possessed kid, maniac stalking a family, etc... knowing in advance may take a bit of the kick in the nuts it gives you away, so I'm going to try to remain vague.
A moronic trucker leaves his wife and four kids to head off on another road trip, and all hell breaks loose back on the farm. The family soon finds themselves under attack from a really, really, sinister force, and when mom loses her mind, it's up t the oldest son to kick some ass in the cornfield!
What happens from here on out is the cinematic equivalent of masturbating with a cheese grater; it's painful, uncomfortable, and nothing good can come from it, yet you will feel compelled to press on... Just make sure you have a pillow to hide your face in...
The Good- This is an F'ing sick and twisted movie, and I don't ever want to see it again. If the goal of a horror movie is to disturb us, freak us out, make us say "what the fuck" to the screen multiple times, then cry ourselves to sleep afterward, this movie hits the mark.
From about 25 minutes in, this move pours on the dread and tension, and maintains it throughout the rest of the movie... I'm serious when I say I had a constant grimace on my face throughout this one, and for a while after. I remember feeling dirty after seeing Inside last year, and this one made me feel downright filthy.
Aside from the extremely tough to watch child violence in this movie, it's the acting that really makes it a winner. Collen Porch is amazingly terrifying as a mother who loses her mind, and Ridge Canipe is equally as good as her eldest son, who does his best to save the day. For being 14 years old, this kid can act, and I give him a lot of credit for taking this role.
The Bad- What a dumb ass, moronic ending. I mean the part with the father... it absolutely killed everything that the movie had worked for up until that point. Lame.
The Downright Horrendous- Jesus H. Christ... A combine? Stabbing and drowning them aren't enough, you need to chase down some little kids with a combine? As with the poor kids that acted in this movie, I'm going to be scarred for life...
The Gory- Knife, pitchfork, drowning, meat cleaver... Kids, dogs, nor chickens are safe in this one, and it's plenty bloody. The creepy kind of bloody.
The Naked- Nope, and that's fine. I don't even wanna think about boobs right now.
Best Line- "When are you kids going to learn that this hurts me, more than it does you?!?" or "...and this little piggy... had none."
What did we learn?- Big brothers are cool, so be nice to them. Also, never hide in the hay.
Rating- B+ (8.5/10) I was all set to give this one an A, until the lame as hell ending made me spit at the screen. This is a HARD movie to sit through, and will keep you on the edge of your seat throughout, unless of course you have no pulse. If you like disturbing horror movies that make you feel the need to shower immediately after watching, then check this one out; if you like babies, kids, or animals, avoid it like the plague.
Final Thoughts- Not even close.
