My Bloody Valentine 3-D
Sub-Genre- Slasher
In Attendance- Me, Machine, Chris and Susan.
Cast Members of Note- Genre legend Tom Atkins!, Supernatural's Jensen Ackles, hot little Jamie King, and Kerr Smith.
What's it about?- My Bloody Valentine is basically a movie about a slutty naked chick that runs around naked, waiving a gun around; of course, it's surrounded by all kinds of unnecessary plot elements that detract from said nakedness, but they do manage to keep us guessing!
Harry Warden is a miner who survives a near fatal shaft collapse which kills everyone he knows, driving him to kill everyone in a hospital, and head back to the mine to kill every teen there who has a beer in hand. Three of the partying teens leave a 4th behind to be killed while they escape, but the cops show up and save the day, leaving the poor kid to realize that his friends must really hate him.
10 years later, Harry Warden returns, as does the kid who left town, and the mayhem begins again. In the highlight of the film, one of the three horrible friends turns out to be a slutty naked chick has some sex, runs around naked with a gun, and doesn't mind not having any clothes on. Sadly though, she dies, naked, and it's up to the rest of the friends to avenge her death!
I won't spoil the ending here, but suffice it to say that once the nudity ends, the killing begins. Good old fashioned pick axe killing!
The Good- First and foremost, the 3-D is the star of the show here; If you can find a theater near you that has the 3-d projectors, definitely see it that way. This is nothing like the 3-D that most people will remember from the 80's, and it totally made the movie more exciting, and the glasses are like sunglasses, not cardboard red/blue framed messes! The Twisted Pictures logo looked insane! Really cool stuff.
MBV 3-D didn't skimp on the blood and nudity either, both of which are staples for any good slasher movie. They also didn't skimp on the Tom Atkins; it was awesome to see him in a genre film again, as the guy is a horror legend, and by all accounts, a really cool guy in general.
The best thing I can say about this movie is that it's an awful lot of fun. It's far from perfect, and I hated the way they handled the sequences towards the end (I can't elaborate without spoiling), but it was a good time that delivered on most levels.
The Bad- Having been a huge fan of the original MBV for the better part of the last three decades, I found the storyline for this one both over worked and lacking in a lot of ways. The original worked so well because it was simple, whereas the redux seemed to play on the "Who is the killer?" thing a bit too much, and delved too deeply, in my opinion, into characters motivations and inner workings. I guess I just think simpler would have been better.
The Downright Horrendous- I kept wearing my 3-D glasses after I left the theater, hoping they would change my life. They didn't.
The Gory- Plenty of pick axe violence too be had here, not to mention a cool hospital massacre set piece and some other goodies... including the heart in a box gag! Loves it.
The Naked- This movie contains what might be the best scene in movie history; a hot, naked, slutty chick, running around with a gun naked, hiding naked, fighting off a killer naked, and getting what she deserves... naked! This went on for a good 2-4 minutes. Maybe longer. (On a fun note, the scene in the trailer with a chick running in her undies... that was digitally manipulated, as she was naked in that scene.)
Best Line- "Jason, is that you?"
What did we learn?- Tom Atkins still rules, and should have been a bigger star. Also, naked chicks almost always make a movie better. So does 3-D.
Rating- B Although it's nowhere near as good as the original 80's flick, I liked this one, and loved the awesome use of the 3-D. Although it's far from perfect, this is slasher that gets a lot of things right, and does it's predecessor some justice. Go see it on the big screen in 3-D!
Final Thoughts- Tom fu**in Atkins is in this!
