Pieces
Sub-Genre- Slasher
In Attendance- Me
Cast Members of Note- The awesome Christopher George, and his wife Linda Day George.
What's it about?- Singing Humpty Dumpty while putting together a puzzle... isn't that every boy's dream activity? Wasn't it yours? No, mine either, so I'm glad this annoying little kid's puzzle is at least a picture of a nude chick to make things less lame. Of course when his mom catches him whacking off , she proceeds to smack him and call him filthy and stupid, and he kills her and saws her into pieces. Bitch had it coming!
Flash forward 40 years... that's right, 40 frigging years, and everyone has pretty much died from old age; except the creepy kid who's all grown up now, and still creepy. He tricked the cops see, making them think he was attacked by someone who killed his mom... clever boy. Luckily for him, there are still plenty of other whores for him to cut up; aerobiscising, leg warmer wearing, perky boobed and 80's hairdo wearing whores.
He stalks exercise classes, skulks around pools, tennis matches... his heavy breathing ass will go anywhere to collect the "whore pieces" he needs... But Lt. Bracken is hot on his trail! I wont ruin the ending here, but suffice it to say that you will say "WTF?!?" out loud... twice.
The Good- In a way, I want to call this a Giallo movie; a black gloved killer, crazy music, excessive gore, bad Italian dub, horrid acting, nonsensical plot... Aw hell, it's Giallo! In a away it really does fit that mold, as the best thing about pieces is its copious amounts of gore and violence. Pieces is pure 80's exploitation horror bliss.
This is also the 2nd to last film that Christopher George made before his death in 1983; the man was awesome,starring in such genre greats as Pieces, Mortuary, Graduation Day, The Exterminator, Enter the Ninja, and one of my personal faves, The Gates of Hell. I love that guy.
The Bad- So much of this movie is bad, from the dubbing to the actions of the characters, to the plot, that it makes it pretty damn funny. The cops at the beginning may be the worst cops ever, the students act and talk like they're semi retarded, and everyone just seems to be in this general malaise... I know it's 80's Italian cinema, but man I laughed out loud in places.
The Downright Horrendous- The ending... in the last 5 minutes of this movie, we're treated to the "What in the hell?!?"-slow motion-Italian-makes zero sense ending... I'm tired of being confused.
The Gory- Good old fashioned 80's gore galore! Axe violence, saw violence, chainsaw violence... decapitations, piles of body parts... this one is full-o-gore, and shameless about showing it!
The Naked- A nude chick on a puzzle, a nude chick swimming, topless chick in bed, chicks in leotards, a hottie taking a soapy shower... and naked man ass.
Best Line- The dialogue in this movie is so bad/funny, that it's all the best.
What did we learn?- Italian horror from the 80's is lots of fun. Also, Italian horror from the 80's seldom makes coherent sense.
Rating- C- Pieces is a fun, bloody, expectational mess of a horror flick, but it's also pretty bad... which makes it kinda good... I say see it for the blood and gore, and have fun. Beware the cheese factor though.
Final Thoughts- Christopher George was a horror movie pimp... and he was from my neighborhood!
