Before we go on, let me say for the record that 90% of these movies DO NOT NEED TO BE REMADE. That being said, a few might be pleasant surprises, if the film makers can try to follow a few simple guidelines...
-Easy on the amount of jump-cut scares please.
-Plot and storyline are important to a good horror flick (most of the time), so don't skimp.
-Try to avoid casting the One Tree Hill, tween-type actors in all of the roles...
-Go watch the originals, and in some cases, study them. What made the effective? What needs to be better? See, there is a method...
-Go watch Splinter; that movie is proof that not over using CGI is totally effective.
-For the love of God, please don't think that a clever "Twist" ending is always necessary.
-Don't forget atmosphere; it went a long way towards making these originals good.
-If all else fails, go heavy on the blood and boobs; it worked wonders in the 80's!
The 2009 remakes that show promise-
F13- This one has me sold so far, and might just kick some ass.
Hellraiser- I wanted to scream when I heard about this, but director Pascal Laugier, who brought us the magnificent Martyrs in 2008, has me feeling better about this one. This interview which he gave on Ain't it Cool News, shows that he knows what he's about at least. Plus, Barker himself is writing...
Last House on the Left- Just saw the trailer for this, and... and it looks really good! Good cast, well made, disturbing... I'm officially excited!
Long Weekend- An obscure "Nature rebels" film from the 70's, this one could be good. Good advanced word from screenings so far, and I like Jim Caviezel.
My Bloody Valentine- This could be a good old fashioned throwback to the days of fun 80's slashers; plus, the 3-D thing has me curious.
Piranha 3-D- Another 3-D flick, the original sucked, so maybe Alexandre Aja can make it decent... I like what he's done so far with Haute Tension, The Hills Have Eyes, and Mirrors.
The Wolfman- Benicio Del Toro is a great actor, so maybe he can finally make this lame story interesting. (I've never been much on the wolfman, sorry.)
The 2009 remakes that could go either way-
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes- Can't be any worse.
Child's Play- Could be good if they go for creepy rather than laughs. Brad Dourif needs to voice Chucky again!
The Crazies- This could work, though it won't be the same without Martin Landau... he made the original for me.
Creature From the Black Lagoon- Perfect movie to be remade... the original was so cheesy, that they could do something special here if they went darker with it.
Creepshow- Anthologies are a good thing sometimes...
The Fury- This sounds like a mess in the making to me.
It's Alive- Is nothing sacred! LOL
Motel Hell- This one could be all kinds of good.
Mother's Day- The original wasn't that great, so this should be an upgrade.
Night of the Demons- The original is a classic, albeit a cheesy one, so this might work... I need to see a trailer before I can really say much though.
Sorority Row- Another possible cool 80's slasher throwback, but again, I need to see a trailer before I get too excited.
The Stepfather- Two words; Amber Heard!
The Uninvited- Meh, this looks lame to me thus far; I've seen the original (A Tale of Two Sisters), and it just looks like an over Americanized version...
The 2009 remakes that downright scare me-
Audrey Rose- Atmosphere isn't Hollywood's strong suit, so this one looks to be a direct to DVD dud.
The Birds- Remaking Hitchcock... LOL.
Children of the Corn- A Sci-Fi Channel movie. Yeah.
Dressed to Kill- DePalma was so great because his films were very stylized... I don't see how they can match what he did with this movie.
Near dark- Canceled!!!
Poltergeist- No. No, no, no!
Scanners- You cannot remake Cronenberg!
Who Can Kill a Child- This one will lose much of it's bite, due to subject matter. Killer kids, and adults killing kids... Tough subject for Hollywood.
Keep in mind that some of these movies could be cancelled or bumped to 2010, to join this already impressive (sic) list:
2010 & Beyond- Let the Right One In, Suspiria, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Angel Heart, Battle Royale, The Brood, The Burning, Don't Look Now, Don't be Afraid of the Dark, The Entity, The Evil Dead, Happy Birthday to Me, I Spit on Your Grave, Martin, Silent Night Deadly Night, The Thing.
