The Haunting of Molly Hartley
Sub-Genre- Teen Romance
In Attendance- Me.
Cast Members of Note- The hotness of Haley Bennett, an old favorite of mine Jake Weber, and Nina Siemaszko.
What's it about?- Molly Hartley (and everyone else in the film), is a girl that's scared by everything; running into people, alarm clocks, a cool autumn breeze... even the mail! She yelps quite often to voice her displeasure too! After having been stabbed in the chest by her mom, really odd and terrifying things begin to happen to her; random nosebleeds, odd headaches, non threatening creepy whispers seem to follow her around wherever she goes, bad PMS symptoms, everyone randomly jumping out at her and trying to make her pee her pants... now this is horror!
Luckily at her school, all of the students are or were at one time CW actors, and look like either Zach Efron or any of the chicks from High School Musical... or, One Tree Hill... or, The OC... or, the deepest recesses of my fucking nightmares. Even Molly's dad has a friggin emo looking haircut... is no one safe?
The horror escalates to turning off haunted faucets, and staring blankly into mirrors... How will Molly Hartley ever survive such peril?!? -FAKE SCARE! Oh shit! Sorry, that one got me- I'm not going to say anymore, because I really don't understand what the hell happened from here on out.
The (NOT) Good- There's nothing good about this movie. I'm usually not one for spoilers, but screw it; read on knowing that there are spoilers ahead, although oddly enough, there isn't anything to spoil really.
First of all, let's be clear on one point; this movie contains no haunting whatsoever. Satan is mentioned, and we hear whispering voices, but it's not anything resembling a haunting. Not in the least. Then again, this movie doesn't contain one moment of suspense or horror either (Save for her being stabbed by mom)... and cheap scare tactics don't count, sorry. This is nothing more than a high school drama, plain and simple. There are actually points in the movie, most of the middle and the very end to be precise, that absolutely seem to abandon the horror movie road altogether...
It's almost a waste of my time trying to explain the movie and it's shortcomings to those who haven't seen it. We gather early on that when Molly Hartley turns 18, something bad is going to happen, and that's why her mother tried to kill her. Unfortunately, we never find out exactly what happens, she just turns 18, and locks her dad up in the loony bin and says "It's for the best." Then, she graduates valedictorian of her class, gives a speech about destiny, and the credits roll. I'm not being dismissive here either; nothing happens.
It's no surprise that the film's director has never directed a film before, and even less of a surprise after seeing Molly Hartley, is the fact that he was executive producer on the WB teen romance show, Everwood (Which, for the record, I actually liked.) They guy has NO CLUE what horror is, and should never be allowed to direct a "horror" flick again.
The Bad- Three fake scares in the first five minutes alone! All in the same scene! Ooh, and a scary "Just a dream" gag! Another fake scare! And another one... and were not even to the 15 minute mark yet... a bird, a boyfriend, a dad, a kid at school, a bathroom stall door, a frigging alarm clock... Jump cuts, fake scares, whispers and the like are not what make a movie scary guys, especially when you use them every 34 seconds.
The Downright Horrendous- Not only was the plot ridiculous, and the build up to the end shoddy at best, but when we finally get there, nothing happens. Absolutely NOTHING. We get no clue as to what Molly has become, what it means, only that she's 18 now, and it means something. Maybe.
The Gory- Molly Hartley popped a nosebleed? They cut out most of the scene of Molly being stabbed by her mother, which I thought was a main point of the story... I have a feeling that a lot was cut from this movie though.
The Naked- No.
Best Line- " I can't let you turn 18!"
What did we learn?- Not a damn thing.
Rating- It's absolutely deserving of the dreaded...
Final Thoughts- Looking back, I think that this deserved to be higher that #10 of our 10 worst horror movies of 2008. It probably should have been #4 at the very least.
Here's a sexy pic, to help you forget this awful movie.
