Against the Dark
Sub-Genre- Vampire?
In Attendance- Me.
Cast Members of Note- 80's action movie hero Steven Seagal! 80's character actor Keith David! Also, the hot Jenna Harrison.
What's it about?- Master of Akido, the katana, the flamenco guitar, greasy pony tails and weight gain, Steven Seagal leaps into the horror genre to take on a world overrun with vampires... only they aren't really vampires, they're "infected." And he really doesn't "leap" into anything here, rather he walks around slowly, hunting infected and slashing them with his sword every now and then.
Everybody else just walks around inside of some hospital doing the same thing... looking for an exit? What floor are they on? Are there no windows? And just how many laps of the hospital have they made since they set out to "escape?" The answer to all three questions; eleventeen.
The Army (?!?) is involved too, plotting to bomb "Sector 7" which is just where everyone else in the movie happens to be... because apparently there's no time! Why is there no time? It's nearly dawn, and the infected hide from the sun (?!?) so why is there no time?
And just when you think things couldn't get anymore action packed, the dramatic music kicks in, and they all start walking around together! Will they live? Will they die? Will anyone care? I won't ruin what happens here, but I will say that Seagal doesn't seem to mind killing kids at all.
The Good- I have to admit, that even though this movie isn't that great, Seagal is pretty bad ass in his own strange way, even though his character and lines are REALLY cheesy. Something about him roaming through dark hallways and slashing through vampires is fun... I don't know. By all accounts Seagal's presence alone should make this suck more, but somehow it makes it suck less.
The Bad- It's pretty painful watching a chick filing her teeth into fine points with a rat tail... hearing those scraping sounds... disturbing.
The Downright Horrendous- Did Steven Seagal just do this for a quick paycheck? The guy is on screen for maybe 15 minutes throughout the flick, and most of the time when he is, he's obscured by shadow or becomes a victim of quick cut editing. And really, if I'm being honest, all that his character does is walk around, and fight "Infected" once in a while. I'm fairly sure, after having seen this, that they must have paid Mr. Seagal with donuts and cocaine. Nothing else makes sense to me.
The Gory- There's plenty of blood and gore in this one, as the "Infected" bite, eat, chew and rip apart any warm human flesh that they can get their creepy hands on. Also, people slip and slide through smears and piles of guts... no shortage of gore here.
The Naked- Other than Steven Seagal's bath scene, nothing.
Best Line- "My name is Tao" (cue dramatic Seagal music) or "Man I've seen that. People do what they have to do to survive." Ok, one more... when asked "What are you gonna do?" Seagal answers "I'm goin' huntin'." Massive LULZ!
What did we learn?- Nothing can defeat Steven Seagal. Nothing! What else could we possibly need to learn?
Rating- C-/D+ I can't decide which way to go here; there's enough decent material here to make this watchable, especially the cheesy (although limited) goodness of Mr. Seagal hacking and slashing, but there's juts as much that will make you cringe and want to go take a nap. If you love Seagal, you may like this. If you love good horror, you may not.
Final Thoughts-
