The Crypt (2009)- At the point when a female crook watches her 12 year old brother take a bullet to the brain, then promptly attends a her crook-group meeting to discuss their next "job" I hated this movie. That wasn't even 10 minutes in. It's a shame too, because the opening sequence was pretty damned cool.
-This movie struck me as a LOW RENT version of The Descent; only in this, everything sucks.
-What's with the cut-to-black that happens every 5 minutes or so? Is it to trick our minds into thinking that The Crypt is over, and a real movie is beginning?
-"I have the biggest, and easiest, job of the century for us." Someone actually wrote that.
-The acting is abysmal here too.
-Why was the shot kid never talked about or referenced to again? Then again, the entire plot made little sense, why am I bitching?
Stagknight- It's too goofy to be serious and too painfully unfunny to be a comedy... Whatever it's supposed to be, clumsy mess sums it up best. Have you ever seen a handicapped child slipping down a set of icy stairs? This movie is less funny than that. Fine, that would actually be pretty funny, but you get my point.
Fart jokes, shit jokes, Predator-like fx from the knight's point of view, poor acting, a ridiculous script... and the worst BJ scene EVER! "Now get those teeth out Granny!" WTF?!?!
The two chicks were hot though. That was at least nice.
The Last Resort- The poster is totally awesome (though the image is nowhere in the film, not even close), the movie is total shit. I mean that's really just the truth of it. Anyone having anything to do with the making of the movie Turista's should hunt the makers of this POS down and tea bag them into unconsciousness. It's not an exact ripoff, but it comes close enough before introducing the evil motel that makes everyone evil, which makes them eat each other and over act.
Seeing that the movie clocked in at a whopping 1 hr, 9 min should have been my big clue.
