Vikaren (The Substitute) (2008)
Sub-Genre- Evil Teacher/Aliens
In Attendance- Me.
Cast Members of Note- Paprika Steen, and a bunch of Dutch people who's names are just too hard to comprehend.
What's it about?- A hole opens in the sky, and a swirling black hole of angry clouds spits out a Phantasm Sphere, which hits a chicken and makes it explode; thus begins Vikaren.
Out of the Phantasm Sphere comes a little alien, who takes over the body of a substitute teacher, and heads off to middle school! She infiltrates a class, makes fun of and abuses the kids, and bites the head off of a chicken. Really, the school board in Denmark really needs to improve their screening process...
Despite the children telling their parents that she's an alien, she takes them on a "field trip" to Paris; really, that's her way of saying "Were all going to drink the poison kool-aid and go up heavens chimney!" I wont ruin the ending here, but suffice it to say that like the children, the chickens are all screwed!
The Good- Vikaren is to me, a combination of The Monster Squad, Something Wicked This Way Comes, and let's say... The Faculty maybe? It's not a kids movie, but it's about kids facing off against their evil alien teachers, and has the whole "No one believes us, we'll have to face her ourselves" thing going for it... and it works pretty darn well.
The movie actually had some genuine creepy moments, mostly involving the kids being in danger, and did an admirable job of holding my attention throughout the whole thing. Again I wonder why foreign made horror movies tend to get so many things right, that often Hollywood can't.
The Bad- Some of the CGI was pretty poor; a scene involving a tentacle "Attack" being the main offender. No big deal, but had they tightened it up a bit, it would have been far less distracting.
The Downright Horrendous- What in the hell is with the chickens? Exploding chickens, a room full of chickens, biting the heads off of chickens... WTF?!?
The Gory- Chicken head biting... that's about all we get. Blood & gore are not the selling point of this movie.
The Naked- No you perv, this is a movie full of kids... not naked stuff!
Best Line- The best lines were spoken backwards in Danish... don't ask me to even attempt to type them here... a very creepy scene though. Also, one of the kids berated his parents and finishes the tirade with "You are the weakest link. Goodbye." I laughed my ass off.
What did we learn?- Teachers are awesome liars. Also, aliens exist, and they really like chickens.
Rating- B Definitely a cool flick, I hesitate to call it a "kids" horror movie, because that would give the wrong impression... though it really is. Either way, it's fun, creepy at times, and pretty well made. Rent it if you get a chance, though a blind but won't leave you feeling cheated either.
Final Thoughts- Maybe if they rushed her all at once...
