Them (Ils)
Sub-Genre- Horror/Thriller
In Attendance- Me, Machine, Chris, Christian... and Sadie! (She's a dog, but really liked the movie.)
Cast Members of Note- Olivia Bonamy, Michael Cohen and a bunch of other French people.
What's it about?- Clementine and Lucas, two France people (that's what I call them), move to a creepy country estate in Bucharest Romania, only to find that Romanians hate the French. Heh, who doesn't, right? Right?
A little Romanian death squad shows up at their isolated home in the middle of the night, and proceeds to prank call them, turn the lights and TV on and off, play hide and seek, and also try to kill them. Pranksters!
They make a run for it, the Frogs, but are pursued through the woods by their attackers; little do they know that Clementine is more than meets the eye*... She's a cyborg! *(Not a Transformer.)
So she isn't a cyborg after all, which doesn't help them any. They do their best to survive, but being French, they manage to screw all of that up in the end.
I wont ruin the ending here, although I guess I just kinda did.
The Good- Where in the world is all of this top notch French horror coming from? As if Haute Tension and Malefique weren't enough, or Inside and Frontiere(s) didn't kick out balls through the back of our ass, Them (Ils) is as thorough of a creep fest as I remember seeing in the past decade, maybe even two.
Not much on blood, Them goes for the kill by drowning you in tension and dread; and the unseen danger that lurks in the shadows for most of the film does just fine on it's own. I'm so glad I don't live in the country after seeing this movie, because if I did, I'm pretty sure I would never sleep again. Sheep creep me out too.
The buzz online is that there is a big "twist" ending to he uncovered here... I suppose there is a bit of a kinda-sorta twist, but it's hardly anything major. This film isn't about trying to be clever, it's more of a warning if anything; this can happen to you, no matter where you're from.
That in and of itself makes the whole thing terrifying as hell.
The Bad- It ran a little short, although the fast pace kept it tight. Still, I would have liked to have seen a bit more... especially at the end. I liked the way it ended, but it was quick and I wanted to know more.
The Downright Horrendous- Never hesitate to crush someones skull if it may save your life. Ever. Ive done it nine times, and I'm still alive.
The Gory- A little bit here and there, but it's very minimal. Most of the violence was implied or off camera. The glass in the leg bit was nice though.
The Naked- What a disappointment... if anybody should have a ton of T&A in one of their movies it's the French; they practically invented sex. A quick non-revealing bathtub scene and a pair of undies is as close as we get in this one, and in the dark no less. Nice derriere though.
What Did We Learn?- French filmmakers have issues.
Rating- A If this one doesn't scare the bejeesus out of you, I'm not sure that you get scared by much. Own it my friends, own it.
Final Thoughts- Movies like this make you wonder about the creepy shit that you pass every day on the street and take for granted.
