Thir13en Ghosts (2001)
Sub-Genre- Haunting
In Attendance- Me, Chris, Machine and Christian.
Cast Members of Note- Tony "Monk" Shaloub , F. Murray "This is a long way from Oscar" Abraham, Matthew "Not that annoying in this one" Lillard, and Shannon "Please have my babies!" Elizabeth.
What's it about?- The guy who plays Monk on The USA Network lets his wife burn to death, making his children orphans, and mopes around a whines about it because he knows he sucks. When his long lost creepy uncle, the bad guy from Amadeus, dies and leaves him a house in his will, he packs up the kids and tries to escape the memory of the wife-murder thing.
So now not only has he killed his wife, but he's moved his family into a house that locks them in with 13 pissed off ghosts who all want to kill them. Father of the year anyone? Thank god Matthew Lillard shows up to make sense out of everything and save their asses. Yeah, I just said that.
I won't spoil the ending here, but suffice it to say that Shannon Elizabeth remains fully clothed for the whole damned movie!
The Good- This is one of those movies that was way better than I thought it would be. It actually had some moments of tension and creepiness, some pretty good gore, and even a few hot chicks (although the nudity was sparse.) Even Matthew Lillard, who is normally tear-inducingly horrible, was pretty decent here.
My favorite thing about this movie was The Jackal; for some reason, that damn ghost just creeped me the hell out... Maybe he reminded me a little of the demon from The Exorcist.
The Bad- Seriously, I need to know why Shannon Elizabeth can't get naked in movies anymore? She's obviously just being selfish.
The Downright Horrendous- Monk? In a horror movie? Talk about miscast...
The Gory- Some good stuff here, although not tons of it... the best of which was "The Split." It gets me every time.
The Naked- We get some cut up corpse boobs, but nothing from Shannon Elizabeth!
Best Line- "Did the lawyer split?" or "I guarantee nothing."
What did we learn?- Winning an Oscar does not guarantee you prime work for the rest of your career. Also, sometimes you cant throw stones when you live in a glass house.
Rating- C+ This is a pretty fun little flick, even if it's far from perfect. The premise is interesting, the ghosts are cool, there are a few scares to be had... Not a bad rental at all if you haven't seen it.
Final Thoughts- They forgot about the 14th ghost!
