Splinter (2008)
Sub-Genre- Creature/Parasite
In Attendance- Me
Cast Members of Note- The hotness of Jill Wagner, the girl from the Mercury commercials.
What's it about?- A hottie (Jill Wagner) and her geek boyfriend get carjacked after hitting a mutant porcupine, and all hell breaks loose. Soon enough, they are forced to hole up in a gas station for their survival... Thankfully for everyone involved, the geek boyfriend has a PHD in biology or botany or something, and is able to determine that the porcupine thing is "Strange" and not quite "Normal."
The idea here is not to get pricked by the splintery little bastard, or else you become a host of sorts, thus turning you into a shambling, undead man-porcupine thing- even a tiny little splinter of the finger means you're finished- and since the creature is basically all splinters, it's best not to try to pet it. Hugs are out too.
I wont ruin the ending here, but suffice it to say that it doesn't end well for most involved. ( I really wanted to work in some sort of "That little prick!" joke here, due to the nature of the porcupine monster and its little splinters and all, but it just didn't work out.)
The Good- The creature in this movie, and the things it does to a human body are a thing of brilliance; The cracking and breaking, the lumbering around with a broken body, in search of its next meal/host... You can only catch quick shots of the creature, but when you do, it more than get's its point across.
Splinter is a pretty good effort that manages to deliver some creepy atmosphere and tense moments, complimented by some pretty intense gore effects... not to mention the hotness of Jill Wagner, who can actually act.
The Bad- It took a little long to get things going, and I would have liked to have seen them use film stock rather than digital, to make the movie look less "Cheap." It's minor nitpicking on my part really... very minor.
The Downright Horrendous- A box cutter and a cinder block?!? Good god that's painful to even comprehend, let alone witness...
The Gory- I'm still wincing thinking about some of the gore in this movie... For instance, the amputation of an arm with a box cutter... and a cinder block. Damn. This movie delivers the gory goods.
The Naked- No, and what a waste of Jill Wagner too. Sigh.
Best Line- Anything Jill Wagner said... she really is that captivating.
What did we learn?- Don't ever stop when you hit something on a country road. Also, you always kill it with fire.
Rating- B This was a well made, creepy, and often times disturbing little flick, and it deserves to be seen. Whether you rent or buy it, just get your hands on it and watch it.
Final Thoughts- Adorable!
