All the Boys Love Mandy Lane
Sub-Genre- Teen Terror
In Attendance- Me...
Cast Members of Note- Amber Heard, one of the hottest chicks ever. Ever!
What's it about?- All the boys love Mandy Lane; it says so in the title, so I have to assume it's cold hard fact and not just supposition. In fact, as hot as she is, I'm guessing that some of the girls love her too. Shes a good girl, a hot and naughty little good girl, and since no one can seem to get in her pants, her vagina instantly becomes the bullseye that every pecker in school is aimed at.
Mandy takes her trifling virgin ass to a party with her lame best guy friend, and calamity ensues. When the party gets too wild, a karate fighter jumps out of the crowd and unleashes his own brand of justice, and not a moment too soon!! Thank you, Fist Man-kick!
One genius ass-neck even tries to jump from the roof of his house into his pool to win her heart; all he wins is death though. Sucker!
A few months later, Mandy is invited to the country for the weekend by the cool kids that still want to bone her. Mission: Bone Mandy Lane begins with plenty of drinking and swimming, weed and handjobs, blowjobs and smoking and drinking, and drinking. Also, death.
Naturally, these teens need to die, as most teens do, and so the body count begins to stack up.
I wont ruin the rest of the movie here, but I will say that this goes to show you that getting a piece of ass isn't worth this kind of trouble. Wait a minute, yes it is... just not in this movie.
The Good- Amber Heard is the saving grace here; she played her role of personified perfection to a T. While everyone around her was stuck in stereotypical quicksand, she shined as the angelic and unattainable Mandy Lane. If this portrayal was any indication, we have nothing but good things to expect from her in the future.
I loved the atmosphere of this flick; from the old farmhouse that was reminiscent of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (and once owned by Hillary Duff's family), to the slow and deliberate pacing, the color scheme, down to the music. It was almost ethereal to me at times, and it was a nice change of pace. The suspense was palpable here too, although I couldn't come close to being afraid for any of the characters other than Mandy. They deserved what they got!
The Bad- Why couldn't they have just let this lesbian kiss happen... for like 20 minutes or so? Amber Heard, you need a lesbian scene!
The Downright Horrendous- I hated every character in this movie other than Mandy Lane and Garth. The ones that died, deserved it, though I wish it could have been slower and more painful for them. Suck jobs, one and all.
The Gory- Oral sex with a shotgun (that doesn't end well), eye slicing, knife violence, shotgun violence... not heavy on the gore, but it's there.
The Naked- A little bit of boobage, and plenty of hot girls running around in undies and various stages of undress.
What did we learn?- Don't ever love Mandy Lane. Also, attractive people are almost always stupid/and or evil.
Rating- A- This is a solid effort that does many things right, and even though it has a flaw or two, the good far outweighs the bad. I say own it, or at the very least give it a rent.
Final Thoughts- Only one...
