THE GRAVESSub-Genre- Supernatural backwoods survival?
Cast Members of Note- Jillian "yum yum" Murray and Clare "I'd do her even if she had a penis" Grant play the Graves, and genre veterans Bill Moseley, Tony Todd and Amanda Wyss play creepy people.
What's it About?- The Graves sisters are a pair of hot, sassy riot grrrls that are having a last weekend of fun together before the oldest sister, Megan (mmm), goes off and leaves innocent little Abby behind in favor of a job in another city. How cold is that? You know that Abby can't survive on her own. She's too sweet and vulnerable and... Oh hey, I really like your shirt. Is that an extra small?
... and so they drive off into the Arizona desert together (?) and become lost. Instead of turning around and trying to figure out where the hell they are, they decide to pull over at the old abandoned Skull City mines which is now a tourist attraction (??), pay $7 each, and take the tour. Huh??? Who does that? Maybe you stop at a strip club when you're lost, to ask for directions. Maybe. Even then you'd better have a few hundred dollars on you for... I'm getting sidetracked again...
... and of course the mine is run by a group of homicidal and quirky maniacs who quickly set upon the girls intent on killing them because they answer to a higher power that demands it. That's really the whole thing in a nutshell. Hot, dumb chicks travel to the middle of the desert, tour a makeshift murder complex, and suffer for their blunder.
A battle for survival ensues the likes of which you've seen dozens and dozens of times before in cheesy horror flicks. Hundreds even. Will the girls survive Skull City? What in the hell is rocking in that chair? Will Bill Moseley ever get tired of playing twisted and witty psychopaths? I don't know. All I really want to know is when is Clare Grant going to do porn? Even soft core. I'm not picky.
The Good- Aside from most of this movie being an overly familiar and run of the mill survival horror, I did really like the whole invisible "higher power" thing. They didn't really focus on that aspect of the movie much, which may be why it intrigued me so much. I want to know if it was a demon, spirit, or jsut an invisible guy that likes being worshiped. I guess we will find out in the sequel? Yes, "Return to Skull City" is happening.
Jillian Murray and Clare Grant. Sure, you know I'm going to say how hot they are, talk about their boobs, and make some sort of sexual innuendo in an attempt to be clever, but wait, there's more... they can actually act. In fact, their on screen charisma was about all that saved this movie from being unwatchable at times.
Genre veterans Bill Moseley and Tony Todd make an appearance here, playing the same characters they normally do, only not as interesting. Still, it's always fun to watch Bill, and I like Candyman, so Tony Todd is cool with me too. And what a surprise to see Amanda Wyss (Tina from A Nightmare on Elm Street) in this one. And is that the singer from Lamb of God playing one of the town psychos? This movie is packed with odd cameos. Neat.
The Bad- Wow, is that Tina, from A Nightmare on Elm Street? How old is she now? I was all about her back when I was a hormone filled 14 year old, and she wasn't... 52? 55 maybe? Such a shame. Hot or not ladies, this is what happens to you all, so make sexy hay while the sun shines because someday, you will be not hot anymore.
The Downright Horrendous- If I'm ever hopelessly lost in the middle of a desert, the LAST thing I'm doing is stopping at a place called Skull City to see the sights. If you're two lost, hot girls in the middle of nowhere, you don't stop at some place that looks like it exists only to provide a quiet place to "hide the bodies." How fun can it be touring an abandoned mining complex anyhow? Now if I ever came across a place called Vagina Village...
The Gory- There's some pretty good gore in this one, although CGI blood is really obvious to me and annoys me to no end. Some of the death scenes were pretty cool too, though there weren't a ton of them.
The Naked- I'm going on record right now as saying that not showing Clare Grant naked in this movie may be the worst blunder mankind has ever endured. Ever. It is a travesty to hide she has with clothes, and not share her carnal bounty with any and all. She's special. Jillian would look good sans shirt too, I'm sure.
Best Line- "They all beg."
What did we learn?- The sisterly bond is very strong. Also, visiting a place called Skull City is never a good idea.
The Master Says- C- (5.0/10) This is a barely average flick that was made watchable thanks to its talented and hot lead actresses. Had it not been for Clare Grant and Jillian Murray, this would have been another one of those movies that made a lot of us hit the FF button on the DVD player, or stop it all together. It's a mindless good time in a way if you don't mind the same old thing done not as well as it usually is, just be prepared for an odd feeling of DEJA VU.Final Thoughts- What can I even say about Clare Grant, other than I think I'd watch her in just about anything.
