Sure, she's only been in six horror movies thus far in her career, but have you seen her? She is seriously one of the hottest chicks in Hollywood, and I'm pretty sure that she would do it on the first date too. I mean why wouldn't she? She owes it to the men of the world to dish out as much pleasure as she can before she gets too old and becomes not hot. That's why she was born. So far, she's doing a great job!
She started out in a really awful vampire movie called SideFX, but she rebounded nicely with the underground cult hit, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane. In Mandy Lane, she reminded us all just what sexy meant, and she used her boobs to do it. And her pouty, soft little mouth. And those bedroom eyes. And a shotgun. Mandy Lane was a teasing little whore! No really, she actually was.
For the next three years she stayed away from horror, instead taking naughty parts in movie such as Alpha Dog, The Beautiful Ordinary, Never Back Down, Pineapple Express, and The Informers, in which she smoked, smoked weed, did coke, drank, had sex, had threesomes, got naked, did karate, got aids, and convincingly acted like she would actually date Seth Rogen. Amazing work, all of it. Especially the Seth Rogen bit.
In 2009 though, she leaped back into the horror fray playing a zombie girlfriend in Zombieland, and the jail-bait girlfriend of a terrorized kid in The Stepfather. In breaking news, she will be playing my girlfriend in my own production of Escape From my Bedroom if You Can. I'm just waiting on the chloroform to get here. Just kidding, Amber! If you get in the van when I tell you, chloroform won't be necessary.
2010 brings two new horror flicks for Amber Heard; The Ward, a John Carpenter ghost story, and And Soon the Darkness, some movie about dumb American chicks biking through Argentina and getting raped or something. I love how she is pressing forward, in skimpy clothes all the while mind you, making sure that the horror genre gets its yearly fix of hot ass.
So she may never be a modern day Jamie Lee Curtis, but she still represents horror and looks good doing it. Cheers, Amber Heard! Oh, and drop me an email. I totally like to cuddle.
