Burial Ground (Le Notti del terrore)
Sub-Genre- Italian Zombie!
In Attendance- Me, The Vanilla Gorilla, Eryn, and Nick.
Cast Members of Note- Karin Well, Antonella Antinori, Anna Valente, and the utterly creepy Peter Bark.
What's it about?- Three couples and a creepy little kid that looks like he's in his 40's, head to a remote country estate to have a wild weekend of sex, creepy incest, and sex. Unfortunately for them, a bunch of rotted old zombies decide to rise from the grave, and join in the party, adding flesh eating to the whole incest and sex thing.
The zombies move about as quick as a crippled 90 year old man trying to climb a molasses staircase, and yet everyone still has the darnedest time outrunning them. I guess they forgot that they had cars too, because driving away would be something the zombies might suspect? Running from the undead, then waiting for them to catch up, then running and hiding, the dying sucks as a plan to me. Maybe I don't get it because I'm not Italian.
The creepiest part of the whole weekend comes when the mom and her son start kissing and rubbing on each other, ending in a near fingerbang that leaves even mom a bit shocked. Later, she let's him lick on her nipple and bite it off. I guess mom's a bit of a slut, eh? Either that, or creepy little Michael's just got it like that. Either way It made me spit up a little.
I won't spoil the ending here, but suffice it to say that once again, the Italians leave me scratching my head. And laughing.
The Good- This movie gives us the classic old school, slow moving Romero/Fulci like zombies, as only the Italians of the early 80's could do it. As cheesy of a movie as this is (The dubbed voices made me lol several times), Eryn said "Cool" or " I love them!" every time a new zombie came on screen. They just looked cool, and moved all bad-ass slow style, and always managed to get their pound of flesh! Good stuff.
Ok, so this is an early 80's Italian horror flick... You have to expect lame/funny dubbing, ridiculous and nonsensical plot elements, and and ending that will literally make you say "huh?!?" The payoff though is in what you get in return; tons of gore, some bad ass visuals, hot and slutty chicks that get naked often, and some messed up plot elements that will make you say "wtf?!?"
They don't make 'em like this anymore folks.
The Bad- Is it too much of a stretch to suggest that you grab the car keys and drive off... in one of the three cars sitting outside? How about running? Maybe you could do that when flesh eating zombies are shambling towards you. Then again, you just standing there saying "What's going on?" gives me reason to yell at the screen I guess.
The Downright Horrendous- That little kid was creepy, and the mom wasn't much better; did she not think it odd to be kissing her son over and over again while he's playing with her boobs? At least she freaked out a little when he tried to finger her. I'm not kidding.
The Gory- It's an Italian zombie flick, of course it's gory; gut munching, skin ripping, flesh eating, head splitting, zombie splattering, shard of glass violence, farm implement violence, nipple ripping... tons of the crimson goodness!
The Naked- It's an Italian horror film from the early 80's, you know you get some quality boobs and butts!
Best Line- "You look just like a little whore, but I like that in a girl." or "You're getting a raise out of me alright, but it has nothing to do with money."
What did we learn?- Early 80's Italian zombies have no equal, for better or worse. Also, kids shouldn't try to penetrate their mothers.
Rating- A- Despite being ridiculous on many levels, this is one of the best zombie movies ever. The look of the zombies, coupled with the Italians love of over the top gore and bad dubbing make this one a must see. Go buy it, you'll probably find it on the cheap.
The Vanilla Gorilla Says- Upon hearing the classic line of "You look just like a little whore" and cringing as the little kid tried to feel his mom up, he exclaimed "This might be my best movie of ever." Touche my friend. Touche.
