Donkey Punch (2008)
Sub-Genre- Survival/Thriller
In Attendance- Me.
Cast Members of Note- Jamie Winstone, who I've been in love with ever since seeing her in the zombie mini-series, Dead Set.
What's it about?- Three young, hot, British tramps are on vacation in Spain, and decide to run off on a boat with four "wanting to get laid" guys. They smoke, drink, do ecstasy, do some crystal meth, and basically whore it up like the tarts that they are. Obviously, group sex ensues... Seriously, like five in a room group sex. It's a thing of beauty, really.
Wait a minute... Oh great, the virgin ruins it all with a "Donkey Punch" gone wrong! Way to spoil the orgy, loser! With a donkey-punched corpse laying around, the other girls don't want to party any more, so the guys decide to dump the dead hoe over the side... and mayhem ensues!
Will the slutty girls survive the night? Will women ever learn that there are consequences for being a whore? Will anyone get a "Louisiana Swamp Donkey" before the trip is through? I won't ruin the ending here, but suffice it to say the should have just headed back to port.
The Good- Donkey Punch is a movie that shows how fun it can be to let loose and party, and how horribly wrong it can go in the blink of an eye. It's bad enough being irresponsible, but add to that stupid, and people are capable of all kinds of nasty things to ensure their survival.
The movie is pretty effective throughout, although I do think had some of the characters been less stupid, things wouldn't have been quite as messy for them. It certainly held my attention though, and I really did like the ending.
The Bad- It's bad enough that girls would act like sluts, do drugs, and have sex with guys that they don't know in a foreign country; but when the guys kill one of their friends, and are obviously worried about getting in trouble for it, why would theses stupid twits yell at them and threaten to call the police, while still trapped in the middle of the ocean on a yacht? I think I'd shut my mouth, go along with whatever they wanted, and then go to the cops quietly once I was back on land. That's just me though, I'm rational. That's why I'm a guy.
The Downright Horrendous- In addition to a "Donkey Punch", we find out what "Getting Tarmac'd" is, and how to give a "Turkey Slapper." Wow.
The Gory- There is a pretty good stabbing, some torture, open wounds, various cuts and scrapes, someone getting set on fire, and of course, the Donkey Punch. One scene towards the end I'll leave a mystery, because it's too nasty to spoil.
The Naked- Score! Boobs, Butts, lesbian action, group sex... Even some penis for the ladies! (and of course our gay friends out there.) Finally, a horror flick with some dirt! Thank you British filmmaker people, thank you.
Best Line- "That's fuck all. You ever heard of a Dirty Sanchez?"
What did we learn?- Avoid giving people the dreaded "Donkey Punch". Also, being a slut seldom pays off.
Rating- C+ Sometimes great, but mostly above average, Donkey Punch is just messed up enough to entertain you if you want something fun to watch. Give it a rent, it's a good way to waste some time.
Final Thoughts- Bad girl, Jaime! Call me, okay?
