*Keep in mind our litmus test for "Do Not Want"- Aside from a movie just being total crap, any movie that we would flip to on cable, watch for two minutes and say "Oh god, how does this crap get made?!?", and then flip away again, is a DNW flick. So crap/forgettable/unwatchable movies. Plus anything made by Uwe Boll. Ok, let's continue...
Terror at Blood Fart Lake- A few points about this movie:
-Yes, this movie actually exists.
-This movie may have the worst title in the history of Motion Pictures.
-It's utterly horrible and unwatchable. Painfully so.
Next...
Bane- I just couldn't get into this at all. Maybe it's because I saw Martyrs first, and this movie reminded me on a poor man's version of it. But not really. I don't know, it just sucked.
-First off, I hate the "HD CAM" look; movies shot with cheap hand-held's look cheap and shitty. -Second, this movie went on for about 40 minutes too long; it's not like the script was so rich that it needed room to breathe, or that the actors were so dynamic that the director just "let them go" because their brilliance just had to be captured on film... No. It sucked, and dragged on, sloooooowly.
-Third, what a convoluted bunch o' crap.
-Finally... no, I pretty much said everything I have to say about this one. We're done here.
Dead Wood- I don't like to shit on the smaller films. I know in a lot of cases that TONS of heart goes into them, but in the end bad is bad; there are a few bright spots, but for the most part, NOTHING HAPPENS. The last third of the film starts to deliver on the horror promise (especially with some really good FX work), but by then I was just not interested.
-30 minutes in, and the only thing that has happened is camping.
-Every bit of dialogue in this movie must have been re-dubbed in the studio; it sounded hollow and tinny. The dubbing distracted me the whole time. If I'm wrong, and it's not dubbed, then the sounds sucked really bad.
-The acting is pretty bad. The script isn't much better. For these two reasons, it's impossible to give a shit about the characters, and therefore, feel scared for them.
-1 hour in, more camping, some running, a spinning camera, one creepy scene, and two people disappear. The movie is only 1 hour 25 minutes long.
-Where is the tension? Film crew members rustling trees and bushes with their hands doesn't count. Neither does shaking/spinning the camera.
-Whats with a guy being named "Milk" anyways?
-Overall it just takes to long to get to the point, and even when it does, it isn't very good. Consider me disengaged.
