CRY WOLF
Sub-Genre- Slasher
In Attendance- Me, Eryn, The Vanilla Gorilla, and Nick.
Cast Members of Note- Lindy Booth, Julian Morris, Jared Padalecki, Gary Cole, and Jon Bon Jovi!
What's it About?- When a townie is murdered at a prestigious boarding school, some spoiled and annoying rich kids decide to freak out the student body by telling them that they're all going to die next, at the hands of a masked killer named The Wolf. By email. Seeing as how everyone else is f'ing stupid, they fall for the email gag, and panic ensues.
Dodger, a hot ginger-chick with the worst name in the history of all names, is the sassy rebel leader of the d-bag rich kids, even though she's a townie herself. That doesn't stop professor Bon Jovi from slipping it to her though, because he's used to having all sorts of whiskey-tango ass thrown at him every day of his rock star life.
The crazy "Wolf" prank ends up working a little too well, and the jokesters find themselves being offed one by one according to their own made up plan. Can they stop their lame prank from killing them before it's too late? Who is The Wolf? Is it Ritchie Sambora in a ski mask? I won't spoil what comes next here, but suffice it to say that Bon Jovi pretty much bangs anyone he wants, and at any time he wants to.
The Good- This is a decent, run of the mill "teen slasher" that could have been served by a better ending, though it still packs a mostly fun punch. If you like formula, by the numbers horror movies that you've seen a hundred times before, then you'll love this one too.
The Bad- The ending. Without giving too much away, I hate twist endings that basically negate previous goings-on in the film... It feels like a cheat to me. Though the ending here made sense, and was pretty decent, I still feel used and lied to, like many of my dates have over the years.
The Downright Horrendous- Someone really calls themselves Dodger? I don't know how they can not be embarrassed by that name, because I know it makes me cringe just hearing it.
The Gory- Um... kinda? there's definitely some blood, but the twist ending kinda makes most of it not count as "Real."
The Naked- Yeah right, no such luck.
Best Line- "Avoid suspicion, manipulate your friends, and eliminate your enemies. "
What did we learn?- Trust no one, especially hot ginger-kid chicks. Also, Bon Jovi rules.
Rating- C (5.5/10) This is an average slasher that delivers the goods on most levels, just don't be expecting to be blown away by it's familiar plot or twist ending. I own it, bur for most I think it's better as a rent.
The Vanilla Gorilla Says- Jon Bon Jovi's been shot through the heart by a ginger kid!
