Black Christmas (2006)
Sub-Genre- Slasher
In Attendance- Me!
Cast Members of Note- Lots of yumminess on display; Michelle Trachtenberg, Lacey Charbet, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, and Crystal Lowe.
What's it about?- A bunch of hot, bitchy, slutty chicks- a.k.a. sorority girls- get what's coming to them! I suppose another way to look at it would be, a bunch or college coeds are mercilessly tormented and hunted down by a maniac. I think the first one is more accurate.
Years before all of that though...
Billy is a kid who is yellow; not in a "Coward of the County" sort of way, but he's really yellow. Dirty piss yellow even. No one likes him, so his mom has sex with him and locks him in the attic. She doesn't even let him down to see his daughter/sister Agnes, although he eventually rips her eye out and makes cookies from his moms flesh.
So needless to say that Billy is pissed off, insane, and yellow, and he wants to see some dead whores. He also has this odd thing about eye violence. Also, he likes to tap dance, which comparatively, isn't so odd.
I wont ruin the ending here, but suffice it to say that plenty of whores die, and it isn't pretty.
The Good- As remakes go, this one was a decent effort. I didn't like the whole sequence at the end, but overall, I have to admit that this was a fun little flick. The back story aspect was interesting, and ended up providing some pretty good bloody moments.
At least it was rated R and didn't shy away from the gore and violence. The "PG-13 so we can make more money" remake shit needs to end.
Nice job here guys. You didn't piss me off with this one.
The Bad- Billy is Agnes's brother... and Dad? Eeew.
The Downright Horrendous- All of that hotness, and barely any nudity? Come on!
The Gory- Good stuff; Candy cane to jugular, pen to eye, sugar cookies made of skin, multiple stabbings, eye ripping, eye eating... you know, this movie has a ton of eye violence.
The Naked- Crystal Lowe takes a shower for us, although the view isn't quite perfect; there are also a few sex scenes, but we don't see much skin in them.
Best Line- "It's raining hail the size of Yao's ball sack." or "I'm going to kill you."
What did we learn?- Christmas is a time for evil.
Rating- B I hate remakes for the most part, but they did a pretty good job with this one... It's bloody, creepy and a fun time. I say own it.
Final Thoughts- This movie has a bunch of Horror Hotties...
