TORMENTED
Sub-Genre- Teen Terror/Supernatural
In Attendance- Moi
Cast Members of Note- Alex Pettyfer, April Pearson, Dimitri Leonidas, Calvin Dean, and Tuppence Middleton.
What's it About?- This movie is about a fat, geeky kid named Mullet, and how the snotty, sexy, popular kids at school tease and ridicule him so much, that he kills himself. Sounds like a sweet little coming of age story doesn't it? Don't worry, because Mullet gets his revenge by coming back from the grave and teaching them all a good and bloody lesson!
To add to all of that, a nice girl named Justine, turns on her friends, sleeps with one of the cool kids, and becomes snotty and popular by injection. Unfortunately for her, Mullet was in love with her before he offed himself, and once the jerk kids start getting picked off one by one, not even she is safe for long. She deserves what she gets anyways. They all do!
Bloody and painful revenge-oriented death ensues. Will Mullet have his revenge? Will Justine see the error of her ways and return to her non-popular roots? Is there anything hotter than British Schoolgirls? I wont spoil what comes next here other than to say they all really had it coming, and by the end, sweet little Justine deserves a painful death too.
The Good- This was an above average teen thriller, filled with hot chicks, very gory (and in some cases clever) kills, and was fairly enjoyable to sit through. The characters are annoying for the most part, and the story is absolutely cliche, but that's not why we watch these movies for the most part, now is it? Chicks and blood; those are the things we seek from these tween thrillers, and this movie delivers both.
If you like the mindless, glossy, teen slasher flicks of the modern era, you will like this one as well. If not, you should run now.
The Bad- What's up with the popular kids always being such dicks? You'd figure if you had looks, money, style, or whatever, that you'd be nicer, happy to have the good shit, right? Nope. I mean sure, ugly people are fun to laugh at, and it's always a hoot to see people cry in shame, but can't we be a bit more subtle about it people? Maybe send them a private note that says "You should kill yourself, loser" or "Stop eating and kill yourself, loser" and save them the public humiliation.
The Downright Horrendous- Chavs. I know I've mentioned them before, but they haven't gotten any less infuriating, now have they? I dare you to look at that picture below and not punch your monitor.
The Gory- Cross impaling, drowning, iron gate impaling, castration, decapitation, pencil violence, bleeding stumps, some nasty eye popping (and then popping back in) violence, a berserk horse that nips everybody in the face... this one has a bunch of gore, and it's definitely the wet and messy kind.
The Naked- There are some sex scenes, but nil as far as the nudity goes. It's a waste of some prime British totty if you ask me, and especially April Pearson. She is special, special, special.
Best Line- "You're a batty boy!"
What did we learn?- Popular kids suck and deserve to die. Also, never pick on the fatty.
Rating- C+ (6.5/10) This was fun, even if it was flawed and mildly trite. The blood, violence, and sexy people make up for the lack of originality though, and there are far worse ways to spend an hour and a half.
Final Thoughts- She's in this, and she makes me want to watch the TV show Skins, because she's in that too.
