The Children (2009)
Sub-Genre- Evil Kids
In Attendance- Me
Cast Members of Note- The lovely Hannah Tointon, Rachel Shelley, and Eva Birthistle. Also, a bunch of really creepy kids.
What's it about?- Two families gather to celebrate the holidays in the quaint countryside of England... and if you've seen any type of European Horror films lately, then you know that absolutely nothing good will come of it.
Upon arriving, one of the kids notices something odd in the brush, and goes to investigate; soon after which he get's sick and starts acting all kinds of weird. It spreads quickly to the other kids, and though they act odd and even mildly crazy, the adults don't seem to notice at all... maybe because they're to busy drinking and having fun to see that they're all about to die.
It's not long before a series of "accidents" begins to befall the adults, and sends them all into a state of retarded confusion. The oldest child, teenager Casey, knows something is up though; goth kids have a sixth sense about evil children. Wikipedia says so.
I wont spoil the rest of what happens here, but suffice it to say that the shit hits every type of fan ever made, and the f'ing air conditioner too.
The Good- Dread and unease permeate this movie and never really seem to let up, and are eventually joined by some vicious violence and gore; when mixed together, they basically have a square dance on your nuts until you end up hiding in your closet and crying like a small child. Ok, I may be exaggerating just a bit, but this is one taxing movie, and that's no joke .
This movie is profoundly disturbing, and left me feeling a bit numb at the end. Only bits and pieces of the reasons for the children turning on their parents are given to us, and maybe that's the worst part. Actually, the worst part is probably the fact that 6 and 7 year old kids are hell bent on killing their parents.
The ending was one of the best I've seen in quite a while too. It came out of nowhere, and chilled me to the bone. It also left me with questions which I wish I had definitive answers too, but hey, at least it made me think.
The Bad- Great Britain has hippies? Yes they do! I thought it was a California Dreamin' thing myself, but I guess the bohemian lifestyle is lame enough for any country. "We don't hit children around here", one of the Brit-hippies says to his brother-in-law. How very progressive of you chap! Too bad that hitting them may just have saved your life. Or maybe stabbing them.
The Downright Horrendous- How can you just leave your wife, I mean walk out one her, in the middle of such a whirlwind of child carnage? "Stay here bitch, I'm pretty much done with you?" That's cold. Thankfully, karma is a mighty, mighty bitch.
The Gory- This movie has plenty of child violence, both done by them and too them. Some of it is genuinely unsettling, especially if you love kids. Luckily for me, I hate them.
The Naked- No, but we do get a scantily clad milf in lingerie, and a hot goth schoolgirl-looking chick in a short skirt.
Best Line- "I told you he was a knob." or "I'm taking care of mother!"
What did we learn?- Kids suck. Also, stay out of the European countryside... I've told you this before!
Rating- A (9/10) This was a well crafted and genuinely terrifying movie; the happenings of which will stay with you long after you've finished watching. It's on Region 2 DVD now, and I'm hoping for a U.S. DVD release soon. Either way, definitely see this one as soon as you can.
Final Thoughts- God do I ever love British women.
