The Burning
Sub-Genre- Slasher
In Attendance- Me, Eryn, TVG, and Cherrie.
Cast Members of Note- The first ever film roles of Jason Alexander, Fischer Stevens, and Holly Hunter. Also, interestingly enough, this is a Weinstein produced Miramax picture.
What's it about?- When four counselors at a summer camp get together one night to play a trick on the alcoholic janitor, Crappy, it doesn't go quite as planned. While Crappy is sleeping, they sneak a candle-lit skull into his cabin, and scream and bang on the window to wake him up; he wakes up all right, and freaks out so bad that he pulls the burning skull onto his bed and tries to commit suicide. He manages to survive, and ends up looking like a pissed off raisin.
After killing a nasty old hag of a hooker (thank you Crappy), he returns to the camp to get revenge on those who made him into the mongoloid mess that he's become. Will he kill Tiger; the mushroom hairdo wearing nice girl? Or will he kill George Kostanza, Jerry's neurotic best friend? How about Glazer, the dead end dego wanna be who despite his lack of charm, still get's laid by one of the hot chicks at camp... Screw it, they all need to go anyways.
Can Kostanza and the guy who married Michelle Pheiffer stop Crappy in time? Will the creepy stalker geek use his powers of invisibility to avoid being seen by Glazer? (Wait till you see that part, LOL.) I won't spoil what happens here, but suffice it to say that everyone on the raft is fucked.
The Good- This movie has its faults, and certainly isn't a good starting point for people wanting to discover 80's slasher flicks for the first time, but it's a worthy addition to any slasher collection all the same. If for no other reason, you must see this movie for the infamous raft scene alone, Originally cut by the MPAA, the scene is a blood filled, nasty little Tom Savini masterpiece.
The Bad- What kind of dumb ass pulls the burning head into bed with him? "Come here burning head, I'm lonely!... Oh shit, now I'm on fire!" Dumb ass.
The Downright Horrendous- This movie contains one of the worst "Sneak around and follow" jobs ever. So the kid is walking two feet behind the guy he's following, totally out in the open, and the guy turns and looks behind him... right at the kid.... and doesn't see him! LOL.
The Gory- This one has plenty of Tom Savini created gore and FX to go around, most importantly, the infamous raft scene. The MPAA heavily edited this movie back in the day, and until recently, the uncut gore was a thing of bootlegs only. Good stuff.
The Naked- We get some full frontal nudity in this one, complete with 80's throwback full-bush, and small banana-like boobs. Also, way too much man ass.
Best Line- Anything Glazer said. His "You's guys ain't mess wit me cause I have muscles n' stuff" shtick was priceless.
What did we learn?- Academy Award/Emmy winning actors sometimes get their start in slasher movies! Also, canoes make really good hiding places.
Rating- C+ This is one of those classics that you end up lacking despite itself; I can think of way better 80's slasher to recommend, but this one need to be seen too, if only for the raft scene alone. The uncut version is finally out on DVD, so check it out.
The Vanilla Gorilla Says- There is way too much man ass in this movie.
