TRIANGLE
Sub-Genre- Slasher/ParanormalIn Attendance- Me, Machine, Karrie and Dave.
Cast Members of Note- Melissa George, Liam Hemsworth, Michael Dorman, Rachael Carpani and Emma Lung.
What's it About?- Mmmelissa George is a shitty mom who is more interested in going on party boats than she is in taking care of her special needs son. Then again she's hot, so certain things can be accepted and tolerated. Come on, hot moms that suck at being moms but have no problem partying make the world go 'round. You have to admit it.
She and her friends hit the open seas for a day of drinking, sex and probably cocaine, but they run afoul of an "odd" weather system that lasts all of 2 seconds and yet capsizes their boat, leaving them helpless. As luck would have it, and equally "odd" cruise ship comes alone and they jump aboard seeking refuge.
As bad luck would have it, the ship is totally deserted save for a lone masked killer who is hell bent on killing anyone that sets foot aboard the U.S.S. Whatthefuck. It's a race against time (literally) for survival, as everybody on board and in the audience gets totally confused. Will Mmmellisa Goroge save the day? Will we ever find out what in the hell is going on? What just happened?
The Good- From the director of Creep and Severance comes Triangle; a creepy, twisty little movie that showcases Mmmeslissa George in all of her pouty sexiness. Not only is she a sexy bitch, but she carries the movie, making us believe the whole "concerned mother" bit as well as kinda becoming a decent final girl.
The best thing about Triangle is the fact that the twists and plot turns are actually pretty interesting, although in the end I REALLY wanted more of a resolution. I can't sya too muich about the plot or why I wanted more of my questions answered because I'd spoil it for you, but I just wanted a payoff, and we never truly got one.
The Bad- The ocean creeps me out. I'm fascinated by massive waves (such as in movies like the perfect storm), and when the sailboat encounters rough seas, really rough seas, I totally puckered up. I don't mean my lips either.
The Downright Horrendous- Once again, Aussie hottie Mmmelissa George fails to get naked and show us her "down under" or her "up top" for that matter. Do it while you're young baby. Do it because we, your fans, need to see your stuff!
The Gory- Multiple acts of shotgun violence, some impalings, and a pile of bodies. Literally. This one is about a medium on the gore scale.
The Naked- Nope. Of course not. Why would any horror flick starring Mmmelissa George have any sex or nudity in it?!? ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!
What did we learn?- If you ever capsize in the middle of the ocean, try swimming for shore and avoid the creepy cruise ship. Also, karma/fate truly is a bitch.
The Master Says- B (8.0/10) Triangle was a solid effort; engrossing, creepy (for a while), tense, and even a bit depressing. The twists and turns actually managed to hold my interest, which was surprising to me, as most "Smart" horror flicks fail to do so. I'd have preferred it to be a bit more bloody and less "cerebral" if you will, and once again Melissa George failed to get naked for us, but it's still more than worth a watch when you get the chance.Final Thoughts- More Mmmelissa George please. Preferably in some horror flick that involves strippers or lesbians. Or both.
