Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus
Sub-Genre- Creature
In Attendance- Just Moi.
Cast Members of Note- Lorenzo Lamas and Debbie Gibson!
What's it about?- Leave it to the U.S. Government to mess up the tranquility of the Alaskan wilderness, and unleash upon the world both a Mega Shark and a Giant Octopus from their deep frozen slumber. At least renegade scientist Debbie Gibson is... Whale pod attack! Thank god Debbie Gibson is not only a brilliant scientist, but an accomplished whale fighter as well! An acoustic rendition of "Shake your love" sent them scurrying... but why were the normally docile whales all riled up?
Oil Rig grapple-attack! That Giant Puss is pissed off! (Due to budgetary constraints, the attack is more "implied" than it is "shown.") In one of the greatest scenes ever put to film, Giant Shark takes down a jet plane in mid-flight! He doesn't stop there either; he makes quick work of a U.S. Battleship too. Giant Puss is being naughty at the same time, taking out fighter planes and doing other Giant Puss-like things. Will the madness ever end?
Only Debbie Gibson and her crack team of scientists can stop the rampaging beasts... and that of course includes Lorenzo Lamas. I wont spoil what comes next other than to say Mega Shark and Giant Octopus don't VS. each other until the last 10 minutes of the movie.
The Good- The Asylum strikes again!; the masters of cheesy rip-off cinema make a pretty bad, yet fun "Event Movie" here, which is total guilty pleasure caliber. Understand that the reason it's enjoyable at all is because it's so bad and cheesy; the acting is poor, the script is laughable, and they don't actually show the massive title beasts very much, but it's kitschy fun.
The best thing about this movie is as ridiculous as it is, you can tell that everyone involved was having a hell of a lot of fun and really giving it everything they had, from director to actors.
The Bad- Really, Debbie Gibson as a world saving scientist? I mean she can drive subs, punch tough (sic) Navy sailors out, analyze 18 million year old teeth with a laptop, mix up some glowing pheromone potions... the only part of her character that I truly bought was when she randomly slept with the Asian guy. I know she's done that before on tour, I just know it!
The Downright Horrendous- If this movie had a little bit more of a budget for effects, it would have been epic; other than at the end, they barely even showed the major action set pieces on screen!
The Gory- Not so much.
The Naked- Debbie Gibson jumps into bed with the first Asian scientist she sees, but alas, no boobs are to be had.
Best Line- "It rises!" or "Jesus Christ, he's comin' faster than a jet!" Stop stealing my ex-girlfriend's lines, Lorenzo!
What did we learn?- Debbie Gibson can act just about as well as she can sing... I'll leave it to you to decipher exactly what I mean by that. Also, Lorenzo Lamas is a man's man.
Rating- C+ (6.5/10) Would I buy it? No? Would I watch it with some friends and a bunch of beer, and possibly some Jager shots? Yes. It's bad-goodness personified, and if you're looking to just have some good fun, give this disc a spin.
Final Thoughts- Maybe I do have some Debbie Gibson MP3's on my computer, and maybe I don't.
