This movie wouldn't have been too bad had anything of note actually happened during its running time. As it stands, Siren is an uneventful, tepid bore.
It's a story about three friends ( a couple and a tag-along loser) that go sailing, because the plot depends on them doing so. Mmm Hmm. They eventually find an idyllic island that looks perfect for... third wheel partying... and decide "This rocks!" When the Islands greeter swims out to welcome them, he pretty much dies. He's foreign and incoherent, so they never really find out why he dies, but they guess its exhaustion from swimming out to them so fast. With a corpse on their hands, they forgo calling any type of water police to report what happened, instead deciding to go ashore and dump the guy on the beach. Of course while doing so, they decide "Let's stay and party!"
Now the good stuff starts!
Again, a 3 person party is a tough thing to pull off, especially if the word "menage" isn't involved. Lucky for the single loser who has no chick with him, that they an odd-yet-really hot chick named Silky roaming around on the beach, and bring her back to the boat. She seems as distraught as the dead guy was, but she's hot, so they don't really press her for info. They still don't leave to find help or anything, instead they all head back to the island, each of them hoping to bang Silky.
She's the Siren.
A bunch of crappy hallucinations and teased nudity/sex later, and we still really haven't seen a damn thing happen. It's all kind of like a bad Benny Hill Episode, with everyone chasing the hot slutty Siren around hoping to get some action, but are foiled at every attempt. Plus, nothing is scary, and there are no murders to liven things up, until near the very end (they suck when they get there, btw.) Drowsiness ensues.
I'd love to know who the jerk-nut was that wrote the cover blurb "The best supernatural thriller since Dead Calm!" No. First of all, Dead Calm wasn't a supernatural thriller at all, asshole. It was a movie about a psychopath. Second, this movie was about as thrilling as watching me masturbate, which really isn't anything to write home about. Trust me. Pete Smith from GenereicMovieReviewQuotes.com didn't do his homework. this is why we always say beware of cheap looking movies bearing cool looking cover art. In summation, the guy who wrote that bogus quote is a douche.
This movie could have been great; a sexy Siren, casting her spell over two guys and a girl, sexing them all and them eating their souls or something, but none of that ever really happens. We do get some girl on girl kissing, but that was pretty tame and uninspired. With two sexy ladies parading around acting all sexy throughout, it makes zero sense how the sex was just MIA.
And the horror/bloodletting aspect of it all? Well the Siren screams at people, their ears bleed, and they die. Yep. It's all really anti climactic and lame. There's really no point to it all, and when something finally does happen, we get red jello dripping from ears amidst a swirl of jump cuts and crazy psychedelic-looking hallucinations? Meh.
D With little in the way of sex, and even less in the way of violence, I'm not sure what the point of it all was. Apparently, the director of this movie died last year shortly after making it, so maybe it didn't turn out exactly as he had planned it to. It's a shame that he wont have the chance to improve with a second film. Not totally hopeless, Siren is None the less a tedious exercise in movie watching.
