Calvaire (The Ordeal)
Sub-Genre- Hillbilly Horror
In Attendance- Me...
Cast Members of Note- A bunch of French actors that most of you have no hope of recognizing.
What's it about?- The worst singer in the history of France gets whats coming to him... That's what it's about. I mean, the old folks that he sings his atrocious songs for may appreciate him, and even try to feel him up now and then, but anyone else not on death's door and with any sort of an ear for music will loathe him.
Marc decides to take the back roads as he heads for the south of France for an X-mas gig, when his lame ass van breaks down. Luckily for him, some retarded guy with an invisible dog comes along, and takes him to an inn for the night. The Inn is owned by Bartel, who reminded me of Paul Giamatti on crack, and nowhere near as charming.
Bartel takes Marc in, and makes him some food, and gets him to sing a love song to him. So crappy is his voice, that Bartel ties him up, shaves his head, puts him in a dress, and calls him Gloria. Then he rapes him.
Then, this shit happens:
So, yeah... From there on out it gets weirder, with the whole village wanting a piece of "Gloria", having a shotgun fight, and creeping me the fuck out.
I wont spoil the ending here, but suffice it to say that the last line in the movie is "I love you."
The Good- Calvaire is basically Deliverance in the French countryside. The film looks great, and maintains an uneasy feel throughout. the unease turns to anguish during the more violent scenes, and once you realize that everyone is insane, it makes you feel even more skeeved out.
The Bad- Gay male rape... Lots of gay male rape.
The Downright Horrendous- A gang rape... on a pig!!! I'm not making this up!
The Gory- I have to say, and hope that you agree, that Rape counts as gore. This movie is filled with violence like that, but isn't overly excessive with the blood. Don't get me wrong though, there is plenty to be seen here, including; a crucifixion, corpses, and the main character being pretty well bloodied to a pulp.
The Naked- Aside from an all male gang rape on a pig, some regular gay male rape, and a gay gang rape on a guy in a dress, this one was devoid of any sexuality.
What did we learn?- Stay away from The French countryside if you're a guy and you don't like rape. Who would have thought?
Rating- B- Definitely disturbing, I'd have to urge you to check it out if you like your horror along the lines of Deliverance or Southern Comfort. If not, then skip it and go rent/buy something else.
Final Thoughts- Screw France.
