Teeth (2008)
Sub-Genre- Angry Vagina/Teen killer
In Attendance- Me...
What's it about?- This is based on the true story of John and Lorena Bobbitt; except that instead of a knife that separates penis's from bodies, its a vagina lined with shark teeth; no one bares any resemblance to an unhappy wife or a cheating husband either; and also, it's about teenagers and chastity. Other than that, its pretty close.
Dawn, the teenage leader of the boring local "Let's not have sex before marriage" club, discovers that she has a man eating clam (and were talking a hungry clam with teeth here), and proceeds to freak out. As she starts to become horny, and thusly less lame, she gives in to her creepy-ass "I'll just rape you then" love interest, and he loses his wiener.
She finds little in the way of help from her OB/GYN, as she seeks answers about her evil cooter. He loses his fingers as payment for her exam (her HMO sucks.) I won't tell you how it happens, or what creepy-ass crap he says/does to her, other than to say he reminds me a lot of my proctologist...
Anywho, the feminist rampage is now in full swing, and by the end of the movie, which I wont spoil here, no one has a penis. Oops.
The Good- A pretty fun, yet absolutely disturbing flick; and sure it has feminist over/undertones, but it was subtle enough not to ruin the movie. Jess Weixler steals the show as Dawn, and makes me like her throughout, despite the whole severed manhood thing. She should have a bright future in Hollywood.
It's definitely handled with tongue-in-cheek gloves, but aside from some distracting subplots that drag, its a fun ride.
It's also really disturbing.
The Bad- Some stereotypical male characters do nothing for the movie, and really it drags a bit aside from the horror scenes.
The Downright Horrendous- I'm a little scared of women now. I won't eat hot dogs either.
What did we learn?- Don't rape. Don't rape your sister. Also, dogs will eat anything.
Rating- B- A fresh and interesting take on teen terror, this is a must see movie. I'd grab a copy of this when you can, and I dare you to eat hot dogs while watching it!
Final Thoughts-
